Thursday, July 02, 2009
Where I've Been ...
Don't Pay the Ferry Man
(Please, pay attention until the every end of the post to see the special announcement ... no, really, even you skimmers out there ... it's a good one)
Where've I been? Well, this is one of those times where I can say, "I've been everywhere, man." I just can't sing it like Johnny Cash.
First things first, I'm getting a divorce. My husband went off his depression meds a while ago and things were good and then they weren't. Like most bi-polar people, he thinks he's fine, everyone else is wrong. There was nothing I could do. He has convinced himself a life without me is best (after 23 years) even though he still loves me just as much as the day we first met or the day he realized he loved me, whichever. There is no other woman. (I actually checked extensively and did stake-outs, checked all phone records, talked to people where he works, etc. Hey, I had to be sure!)
Then it was ultimatum time from him. Do this and we'll stay together. Stand on one foot while you fry an egg. That kind of stuff. Not really, but just as crazy. And one day, I just said, "No. I love you, but I choose me." Sooooo ....
I got a job. A real job. And its construction. (not kidding) I went everywhere where I would normally get a job (like offices), but being a stay-at-home mom with no contacts after 16 years does not make you a hot commodity. So, I went to stores and such and only one replied and I said, "No matter what, I'm working my ass off for this company."
Now I'm helping to build the Super "Big Box Store" where I live. It's such hard work that I'm the only woman. (Heck yeah, I'm proud of that fact.) One other one quit and the other saw what we were doing and said, "No, thanks ... without even trying."
Most of you know I'm a hermit and that I need to take pills to function in ordinary life. So, I went to the doc and told her I needed a BUNCH of pills to live an extraordinary life or else my husband would have me trying to walk on the ceiling while trying to mop floors and she obliged me. I still have panic, there are days I want to hide under a rock, but I haven't missed a day (or night, since it's the graveyard shift) or a minute of work no matter how I felt physically or emotionally.
The first few weeks I had bloody feet, a severely bruised body, and a broken heart. Now everything but the heart seems to be back in order. My husband will be leaving by November by my choice. He wanted to stay another two years while the kids were in school, but I'm the kind of person who would rather pull a Band-Aid off in two seconds than bit by bit. I think it hurts less in the end.
And oh, did I mention I'm getting ripped? One of the many benefits of hard physical labor. Your brain turns to mush, but your body becomes a rock. I hope you all have had a terrific few months and I will check-in with each and every one of you to make sure.
Special announcement: I started my own green website. I couldn't let my brain go to total mush. With the help of Amy and her friends for the techy stuff and Amy for the artsy stuff, I bring you www.thriftybif.com. Tell your friends ... and even your enemies.)
Labels: getting ripped, life changes, working