I hope everyone recovered from the holidays nicely. I say "recovered" as if it were a brief illness. I'm projecting again. Bad Beth!
Every year it seems my husband has this one gift he thinks I'll love and I absolutely hate it. To be fair, for years he didn't even buy me presents and I'm thinking it may not be a bad idea to start up that tradition again. Mostly because I am a terrible liar ... it's always obvious when I look at it that I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh, does this man know me at all?"
The pots and pans one year. Yes, practical, but who wants these for Christmas?
Then there was the dishwasher. Yes, again, practical, but for a present?
Then we had the Colts bobblehead. Now, don't get me wrong, I love the Colts, love watching them play football, but a bobblehead? That was just weird.
This year was no different. I sleep and have slept with a fan for almost my entire life. Not just any fan ... a big ole box fan. I am an insomniac with hyper hearing. I've tried everything, but only the gentle lull of the fan on medium gives me the couple of hours my body drastically needs.
Hubby hates the fan. Not because it keeps him up, but because it keeps him in too deep a sleep and also, it's cold in the wintertime. Humph.
So, what does he do? He buys me some kind of "relaxing sounds of nature" sleep machine. It is neither relaxing nor reminiscent of nature. The "ocean waves" sound more like lake waves hitting a bunch of rocks and making strange 'ker-plunk' sounds the whole time. Hubby kept saying, "Just close your eyes and imagine you're on the beach in Maine." I said, "A lake beach, right ... because this doesn't exactly sound like ocean?" That's all it took for hubby to storm out of the room.
I felt bad. I still feel bad. I tried all the settings and deciphered the "sounds of nature" coming from Satan's machine for insomniacs:
Wind = strange blowing into microphone while some man runs around in the background (very creepy) Train = fetus heartbeat (not relaxing at all) Forest = Birds on crack, possibly crack smokers blowing bird whistles Rain = Garden can full of water being poured over tin Brook = Garden can full of water being poured over tin with rocks in it
NOT soothing! Once I realized this present was really for husband and not for me (about 15 minutes after I laid there listening to the noises of hell), I said, "Look, this present was for you, not for me. I'm a grown woman. I've birthed 2 children. I know what I need and it's the fan." Off went the sounds of chaos and on went the box fan, level 2.
Hoping your holidays were filled with more joyous noises or was completely silent, whatever you like!
'Tis the season for buying presents ... obscure, hard-to-find presents. Presents that become a search and destroy mission more than a mere chore. Much like the Furbies, Cabbage Patch kids, and Tickle Me Elmos before them. Only to end up being thrown at the bottom of my kid's closets.
'Tis the season to painstakingly wrap said presents on the floor while back breaking in two. A back that will need much Ben-Gay when I'm through. Presents that will get ripped apart by dog's claws before they're even put under the tree, not be complimented when they are picked up on Christmas day, and have the final ripping apart in about 1.2 seconds.
'Tis the season for cold snaps and blizzards. Yesterday was the first blizzard and my snowblower wasn't working. If you forgot, my drive is 400' long. I only shoveled the walkways and hubby actually fixed and used the snowblower lastnight to clear the driveway. In my wildest dreams, I never thought he'd clear snow again and am still amazed he just didn't come in and say, "It's running," which is my cue to go do it.
The cold snaps have been just dandy. I think it would be more crushing if I weren't heating my home with a wood stove with wood from my property. This makes my heat free. Free heat. Perhaps the best part of this blog entry. Yet, free comes with a certain amount of chopping, a necessity of not leaving the fire, making drafts and whatnot just right, getting ashy while you stoke and burnt while you poke, but still ... did I mention free?
Happy holidays, everyone! Hope you all are concentrating on the positives and not as snowed in as these poor people in Boston, MA ... although the street itself reminds me of a Dickens classic. =)
